The Dark Knight Rises Review

The Dark Knight Rises

The Dark Knight Rises is a well made movie but not a fitting final chapter for the Nolan universe. I know. I can't believe I feel this way either. As I sat in the theater, I was overcome with a sense of disappointment the likes of which I had not felt from a Nolan movie since Scarecrow got a taser to the face by Katie Holmes in Batman Begins.

What the fuck, dude!

It's important to note that this review is from a single viewing. Many have said that the issues they felt after an initial viewing cleared up with a second. However, because I review all of these films on one viewing, I see no reason to give this film more chances than any other. I also, honestly, am not sure if I can stand the fury of sitting through another 3 hours of fury and contempt. 
Christopher Nolan is an accomplished director, one of my favorites. The tone and gritty realism he brings to extraordinary stories is something I really enjoy. When Heath Ledger was cast as the Joker, I thought, what? But the casting turned out to be brilliant. I found myself, along with many others, chanting the phrase: In Nolan we trust. 

With TDKR, I was sure I would despise Catwoman. She's just a boring character that fills time messing with Batman. Until I saw the film and, once again, Nolan showed me how it's done. Aside from the choppy timeline, TDKR is a really well made movie. But as I said before, it just doesn't fit the Batman I grew to know from Nolan. They broke the rule for second sequels, which is: BIGGER DOES NOT MEAN BETTER! Ladies and homosexual/bi gentleman, I am sure you can agree, a giant penis isn't worth much if it blows a load when a breeze passes over it. It's all about how you use it. Not that I would know anything about having a giant peen OR how to use it....

Anyway, Nolan brought a huge ol' cock to this final chapter, and after 3 hours, DID go out with a bang, but all the fun was on his end, leaving me to feel cheap and used afterward.

Let's get right into the meat and taters, SHALL WE?!

THE GOOD NEWS

The acting is fantastic. Everyone delivers a solid performance. We already knew Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman and Michael Caine are all fantastic in the roles they helped to build. Since everyone in the world has seen The Dark Knight, none of this comes as a surprise so I will move on to the n00bs.

Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle aka Catwoman was purely awesome. She brought a pain to the character, and a sense of survival at any cost. A desperate character, driven, selfish but with heart buried under skin tight leather. Snapping from one emotion to another in an instant, whatever the situation called for. Catwoman was far beyond a simple thief in this vision. She was a character full of depth who has the most meaningful arc in this story.

Calm down, Michelle.

Marion Cotillard  plays Miranda Tate, a business woman bent on meeting Bruce Wayne to discuss the catastrophic project built at Wayne Enterprises. Though Cotillard brings her usual sassy, strong attitude to the character, there just isn't much to work with as far as character development. I'll get into this later when I massacre this movie like Wayne's parents. 

Tom Hardy is a fucking brutal Bane. His version of the character is like a wrecking ball aimed to tear down all of Gotham. Aside from the voice, which I liked but don't feel fit the character's back-story, Bane is intelligent, strong, vicious, and arrogant with good reason. He is truly a force to be reckoned with, and a threat Batman had not faced before in Nolan's Gotham. One of my favorite moments, a scene with which I have absolutely no problems whatsoever, is the first battle between Batman and Bane. I call it a battle like Batman stood a chance. It was more like an old fashioned beat-down.
Joseph Gordon Levitt is also fantastic in his role as John Blake, a rookie cop with keen instincts.
Spoiler Alert!
He turns out to be Robin. Like you didn't guess that shit already. I really enjoyed his progression through the film, from rookie cop, following the rules, to abandoning the badge after shooting some of Bane's minions in self defense. The horror of the act of killing is what ties him to the same mentality of Batman and his will to keep fighting, against incredible odds, are what make him the proper choice to follow in The Dark Knight's footsteps.
Gordon also has a very interesting dilemma in this film. He is torn between the choice he made at the end of The Dark Knight, to hide the truth of Harvey Dent and Batman's involvement in the murders that took place during the Joker's reign of chaos. He is a broken man, who has lost everything because his sense of justice is so strong, it becomes all that matters to him. Gary Oldman is always amazing, and brings the emotion of coping with the lie to life.
Another excellent part of this story, is that everyone is dealing with a lie and affected in different ways (many of which, I fucking hate). Bruce Wayne has become a recluse, believing that he failed Rachel Dawes in the last film. Alfred has grown bitter watching Bruce throw his life away, after hiding the truth from him, that Rachel was never going to wait on Bruce leaving Batman behind.
I can't forget Hans Zimmer, delivering yet another awesome score. I like to listen to it and imagine my own version of the Dark Knight Rises, in which I don't walk out wishing Bane would snap MY spine...
The imagery, and the basic idea, and the acting are all fantastic, setting this story up to be epic. Until they go overboard and just jump the fucking shark...

This makes about as much sense as TKDR

THE MASSACRE

Fuck this movie. As an ending to the Nolan universe Batman, this movie felt nothing like Batman. Not even the Batman I had grown to know through the previous installments. I'll get to why just as soon as I've summed up my feelings on the matter....this movie shit right on my chest. It was unpleasant. I agreed to sit there, thinking it might be a good time, like getting a lap dance, only to have her turn around, pull down her g-string, and squeeze out a log and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Every reboot is open to new interpretations. Changes to characters, scenarios, evolution. Taking an existing entity and redefining it is usually done within parameters though. Every Batman installment, including Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, borrow from the past to tell a fresh story. You have the basic characters and what they do and you run with it. Christopher Nolan took the Batman universe and brought it to a more realistic level but always with some sense of suspended belief. In Batman Begins, the plan is to release a fear toxin into the air of Gotham with a machine that vaporizes liquid. It's the idea of taking a crazy villain scheme and making it tangible, more realistic in a universe that has these items. In that way, it makes sense. In the Dark Knight, the Joker does nothing more than blow shit up and create an air of chaos, with that being the only goal. Bruce Wayne creates a system that can monitor all cell phones in the city and trace a voice in some surreal, digital world map thing. That's a bit much, but the idea fits. Hell, even Harvey Dent is able to run around with no skin on half of his face, feeling fairly spry, even having some fun crashing a car! He is in so much pain from refusing meds, that he seems to be driven mad, and has no intention of surviving, just exacting revenge before he goes.

Say Cheese!

TDKR fails miserably to bring a realism to the plot. So, allow me to go through the plot and break down all the issues as I go. 

Bane has reformed the League of Shadows with Talia Al Ghul (daughter of Liam Neeson's character, Ra's Al-Ghul, from Batman Begins). They had Bruce Wayne invest in the creation of a fusion reactor capable of generating sustainable energy for all of Gotham. Some doctor designed the thing. They make it, it works, but Wayne realized that it could be used as a weapon (which happened to be the villainous plan the entire time). What villain would be fucking dumb enough to have Batman make their bomb for them? They know that Bruce Wayne is the man who stopped the League of Shadows before! Surely he is not the only person on the planet with enough money to build that thing.

Anyway, Bruce locks it away under the river until a way is devised to make it...not weaponizable? Then he becomes a withered old recluse within his manor for something like 7-8 years. Because that is like Batman or Bruce Wayne at all. In the Nolan universe, Wayne is Batman for a total of 2 years. Rachel dies and he just quits?! FUCK YOU. Rachel's letter in the last installment showed us that his closest love, believed that he could never let Batman go. Bruce Wayne was his mask. She is killed by the Joker's antics and Batman just...gives up?! He didn't give a fuck how Rachel was for the 7 years he was gone traveling the world, committing crimes and training to be a ninja while smoking some wild fear-herb! Not to mention that he was driven to do all of those things due to the vengeance he needed after his parent's murder. Now someone dies and he just sits at home like a fucking baby?! If the first two movies set up anything, it was that Wayne would never be stopped. Batman had no limits. The death of Rachel Dawes would have galvanized Bruce into believing he was right in his quest. And with the advent of the Joker, and a better class of criminal, the stage was set for a Gotham where the insane took to maniacal alter egos, characters that Batman would be more driven to stop than ever. You know...like BATMAN!

Let's continue.

Bane pulls a wildly unnecessary stunt in a plane to secure from the FBI or CIA or some shit, the doctor who created the fusion reactor. Consider this for a moment, why was the doctor in custody at all? On the run from Bane, right? And the FBI or whatever was looking for this terrorist leader. Then you realize that Bane has had men infiltrate the unit and they hijack the plane in mid air. So...someone knew that the doctor was in trouble, they must have had some clue to what the doctor had worked on, and nobody thought that Bane might be trying to craft or get his hands on a weaponized fusion reactor? And Bruce Wayne aka Batman, who is supposed to be quite the detective from his little batcave, has no fucking clue... Perhaps he shouldn't have quit! Everything in this movie is his fault. Fuck it. Not a huge point right now. NEXT!

So Bane infiltrates the sewers of Gotham, and shoots Commissioner Gordon. John Blake finds Gordon and rescues him. Wayne visits Gordon and learns of this new evil mastermind, Bane. 2 stupid things arise from this. 

1. Alfred researches Bane and learns that he emerged from a prison in some forgotten part of the world. He warns Bruce to stay away from this one because he will get himself killed. In desperation, Alfred reveals that he lied about Rachel, and she never was going to wait for Bruce. Then Wayne tosses Alfred out! We don't see him again until the end of the movie! Alfred has always been the voice of reason but he has also, in the Nolan-universe especially, always been there for Batman. Every fucking time. He would never give up on Bruce. Yet here, he just walks out. There isn't even a scene of Alfred seeing the devastation of Gotham and worrying about Bruce. He is just, gone. That is not the Alfred they set up in the previous films. 

2. John Blake meets with Bruce Wayne and reveals that, as a kid, Wayne visited the orphanage or some place Blake was at, and he KNEW that Wayne was Batman just from looking at his face?! I'm sorry but Batman Forever was a shitty film and they did a better reveal to Robin of Batman's true identity.

Bane hires Catwoman to steal Bruce Wayne's fingerprints so they can drive motorcycles into the Trade Center building, shoot some guns, and make a false transaction bankrupting Wayne. All so that the board would vote for Wayne to turn over power? And of course he would turn it over to Miranda Tate, the woman who approached Wayne with the fusion reactor idea in the first place. Because, after a one night fuckothon, he trusts her?! 

Risking a lot on this venture, and having it work is one piece of bull. Let's assume that someone is saying "These guys busted into wall street and this transaction looks very suspicious so lets freeze accounts," thus forcing Wayne to turn over power. There are something like 12 board members at Wayne Enterprises. We see them. Wayne doesn't want one man, some forgettable character who has been in league with Bane, to get control of the assets and the bomb. What was wrong with Lucius taking control? Perhaps they mention it but I don't recall because of the goddamn absurdity of the plot. 

Batman suits up and goes after the terrorists who attacked Wall Street. He uses some kind of EMP rifle to shut down their electronics and the police, lead by a completely incompetent Commisisoner filling in for Gordon, decides to turn the full power of the force to catching Batman. NOT THE GUYS WHO JUST COMMITTED AN ACT OF TERRORISM. Thus allowing Bane to escape. 

Batman outruns the cops, hops in his new bat jet and soars off to somehow locate Catwoman and rescue her from Bane's goons. Bane is even there! Batman captures her then asks for her help in finding Bane. This is after meeting with Gordon who has been shot in the sewers, seen Bane down there, and informed Bruce of the impending doom! Perhaps going ninja and investigating the sewers would have been a very Batman like thing to do?! It's as if scenes like this are just thrown in there to build a relationship between Catwoman and Batman. 

Now Catwoman leads Batman into the sewers, to a trap with Bane. After a series of shitty scenes showcasing Batman and Catwoman taking out Bane's goons and generally being a good asskicking team, Batman is lead into a trap. This part I enjoyed. I'll glaze over it.

Batman gets beat up, Bane blows out the bottom of Wayne Tower and gets his hands on his own batmobiles and ships Wayne off to the prison from which Bane was born. Wayne's punishment is to watch as the League of Shadows gets their hands on the fusion reactor and unveils it as a bomb at a football game. The bomb is nuclear, and can wipe out the entire city. So nobody is allowed to leave or enter, and the United States military is tasked with ensuring neither happens or the bomb will be detonated and destroy all of Gotham. Meanwhile, almost the entire police force is trapped in the sewers where the dumbfuck new Commissioner sent them to find Bane. Another little bit of radical planning on the League's part. Basically always counting on everyone to be just as dumb as their plans.

Here is where villains in this film are just dumb animals. They finally have their plan in place to work, Batman out of commission and all they need to do is blow the fucker up. But no, instead they release the prisoners, reveal the lie that Gordon told, and let the city tear itself apart for awhile. Because blowing up an entire city isn't message enough. We are treated to watching the city descend into chaos, which I admit, I also enjoyed, but the time is so ludicrous that all of the realism is lost. Scarecrow makes an appearance that just further destroys the character, as a judge, sentencing the good people of Gotham to either death or exile for whatever reason. And this is all just fun and games! The core of the bomb is decaying rapidly, and when it decays completely, it will set itself off. Yeah, the bomb is going off anyway, so again, why not just detonate the fucking thing.

Bruce Wayne is in a prison and has to train to rebuild his broken back. Somehow, in 2 months time he is able to do this. He then learns a fear of death and manages to be the second person to ever escape. Fine. Whatever.

Batman returns to Gotham and doesn't grab the EMP rifle that could be mighty useful in stopping, oh say a TRUCK CARRYING THE BOMB, but instead sets up an elaborate Bat symbol fire on a building in the city to let everyone know that he is back! Then he busts all the cops out in order to essentially have an army to oppose Bane's criminal army...

Um, remember when, in the Dark Knight, Batman stops the copy cat Batmen because it is his burden to bear with his skill and training? I guess that doesn't matter anymore. So Batman uses his jet to blow up the guns on the other batmobiles, then lands somewhere and finds Bane for a rematch to find the detonator? Perhaps a better plan more suitable to Batman would be sneaking around, taking out some goons, finding Bane and getting the detonator, instead of some ridiculous street warfare.

On top of everything, Bane turns out to be just the muscle really, for Talia's plan of revenge. 

And his exit is less than thrilling. The bat jet is almost completely used for flashy scenes and is almost completely useless in Batman's final attempts to stop the bomb. Every scene is just one bad choice or screw up after another. 

By the end of this film I was left with a feeling that over the 8 years between The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises, everyone turned into mush brained morons.

THE VERDICT

I wont ruin the ending for you. That can ruin itself. Let's just say it has a lot to do with hope and being a symbol and other shit people love to spout while secretly wishing they could suck Nolan's cock. There's a culture that has grown up around these films of people who cannot believe that Nolan could ever do wrong. There is no doubt that he is incredibly talented, but even the mighty fall. People out there will find a way to rationalize every single issue listed above, inferring this, speculating at that, and missing the fact that at it's heart, this is a Batman movie and to me, there was very little Batman to be found.

At least this massacre made it through without Charlize Theron popping up anywhere.

WHAT?!