The Hobbit
The Hobbit is a widely revered and well known staple in the fantasy genre. Many of the ideas brought to life by J.R.R. Tolkien have molded the kind of world we think of today in the realm of magic and Goblins. World of Warcraft, for example, is an amalgamation of all things fantasy, including Goblins, Orcs, dreaded dragons and epic quests.
Adrianne Curry is also a fantasy of mine
While these ideas are not solely from the mind of Tolkien, his world of Middle-Earth, brought these creatures to life in popular culture after publication in 1937. It is such a beloved book that it has never been out of print. Because of the popularity, Tolkien created The Lord of the Rings and added some pieces to the Hobbit so the world and story would flow together more easily. Yet even with all of the revisions the book is little over 300 pages long. For comparison, the Lord of the Rings trilogy is over 1200 pages long. So, The Lord of the Rings was a trilogy of films. That seems appropriate for the amount of content. And the Hobbit is....wait....it's also a fucking trilogy? Why the fuck...oh, and he feels that 48 frames per second will look amazing in 3D? Can someone please tell me why Peter Jackson is allowed to suck his own fantasy cock?!
What a douche.
The Good News
Let me get this shit covered right away because all I want to do is bitch about Peter Fucking Jackson. Alright, so the Hobbit is a classic for good reason. It's a cool story set in a fantastic realm of magic and medieval warfare complete with monsters and wit and a goddamn dragon. All of the elements are there in the film. The casting was fantastic also, with one exception, which is Thorim Oakenshield. I felt like I was watching a normal guy who had been shrunk to child size. Like that part in Innerspace when the villains are partially miniaturized...
Yeah like this!!
The acting was great, especially Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins. Not only did I believe he was the younger version of the Bilbo from Jackson's LotR, but I got a real sense of adventurous spirit buried beneath a desire for comfort and safety. Once again, Andy Serkis is amazing as Gollum and Gandalf wouldn't be Gandalf if not for Ian McKellen's performance. OK?! Is this enough? You're going to like the movie so let me just get to the massacre portion already.
The Massacre
Peter Jackson is a waste of fucking time. He's basically a hipsters Michael Bay. Check out the IMDB list of films he has directed. If you haven't heard of it, nobody has. With the exception of the Frighteners, Jackson is only known for unoriginal content. The Hobbit and the LotR have been done. King Kong has been done like 30 times. Dead Alive is just a New Zealand ripoff of Evil Dead. Sure, he has an eye for grand scale, but if you look closely, he is just shitting all over the material. Example: in the original King Kong, the title character fights 1 T-Rex. JUST 1!!! In Jackson's remake, Kong fights 3 or 4. Bigger and more awesome! Spectacle for the sake of seeing it, not adding to the story or themes or character development.
Why? Because some people just want to see cool things. Who doesn't! But there is an appropriate time and place. If you think a scene in which Jaws leaps from the water, somersaults and bites a surfers head off would have improved the movie, then you missed the suspense and the fear of the shark as a presence, a monster hidden in the ocean. These are the same fans that I imagine keep seeing Transformers movies...Probably Nascar fans. 
Anyway, there is a whole lot of spectacle for nothing in the Hobbit. Here's a sample: Radagast, (the wizard of the forest) rides a sleigh pulled by rabbits leading a band of Orcs riding atop Wargs (giant nasty dog monsters) on a chase across the Highlands.... Or perhaps a needless battle between Stone Giants (like 3 of them maybe?) hurling boulders at one another while the protagonists ride upon them...Or a fatass Goblin King who serves no purpose to the story except to give Gandalf something to slice open. OH, my favorite! The escape from the Goblin caves is so ridiculous I don't know where to begin. Perhaps when the dwarves use a ladder to grab the heads of a pile of Goblins and rush them over a gap along the path of catwalks. Or riding one of said catwalks down a crevice as it shatters and splinters into pieces beneath them! I mean, pick a tone! You want this to be comical? Serious? I can't take that escape seriously. Or the bird shit on Radagast's bird nest hair. Jesus. What a shit storm. Instead of Michael Bay's gratuitous explosion, Jackson just loves to throw in dumb, silly scenes.
Not as silly as some of the shit in this movie.
How about the length? Three movies! YAY! I know all of your Middle-Earth fans just love seeing the world brought to life, but come on. At some point you aren't telling a story, you're just milking you success and exploiting a fan base. It's the same way Friday the 13th has like 10 sequels. You might be thinking "Yeah, but those movies SUCK!" You're right. So does a drawn out, 9 hour trilogy of needless spectacle.
48 fps is also one huge, WASTE OF TIME. Great call on that one, Jackson. Supposedly, 48 fps would allow the 3D elements of the film to achieve "the potential that it can achieve". Well, I saw it and I found the exact opposite to be the case. The 3D creatures appeared more cartoon like and thus, SHITTIER than anything looked in the Lord of the Rings. This also added to the issue with tone. While a very serious event occurred, such as the attack of the Wargs, I could only see some shitty cartoon dog running around in a world to which it did not fit. Innovation makes headlines, especially wild new ideas such as Avatar (which I also hated but the new technique was incredible). In the case of 48fps, it made the Hobbit look like an episode of Masterpiece Theater on PBS. Top notch.
My last point is one that I am sure many of you either agree with or have some nerd-reasoning to rationalize and it's not even one of Peter Jackson's fuck-ups!
THE EAGLES. Did Tolkien have some kind of eagle fetish? Or did he just have no idea what to write next and thought "Well shit, I'll just throw in some giant eagles that are only a butterfly call away." Or is Gandalf supposed to be so damn stupid that he never thinks, "Maybe this trip would be faster and far more safe if we all rode some of these eagles I know."
I'm sure there is a reason why all of these eagles are always nearby enough for a butterfly, with all of it's majestic flight speed and aptitude, to make it in time for a daring rescue.
Great comic from Dorkly
The Verdict
I like the movie, overall. It's the Hobbit. The story is great. I think that once I see it on DVD, some of the issues I had with the cartoon quality will be alleviated but the issues with tone and needless, tossed in bullshit will always be there (I'm sure there is much more to come with 6 more hours on the way). I love a good epic journey story, but turning a 3 hour story into 9 is no longer doing justice to the source material, that's just plain masturbation while you look into a mirror, PETER!
Maybe that's not bird shit in Radagast's hair....
